"Tave iyutrekyr iv Zia"

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

That was something I did not expect. And I cannot approach anyone to ask for advice.

I barely understand why I was offered this choice.

I haven't yet decided. I requested time to consider.

...

The boarding of the Th'Asidra occurred. I knew it was wise to leave my diary hidden in the camp. It is safe and secure against the elements. So...I will have to type here. I can't even use my code. I should try to learn how to create one, but...I just won't have time.

Ri Satwas did not mention the needles. They handed them back to me without a word. But then they interrogated me about what I intend to do with them...and took offense to my answer. Now I am to attend to them during the oncoming days, where I will be tested to see how much I'm able to withstand...

So why did they let the needles through in the first place?

...


Fight.

Try to breathe.

Fight.

Try to eat.

Fight.

Try to close my eyes..

Fight.

Try to breathe.

Fight.

...it won't stop. I can't concentrate. I can hardly think.

He only says five words.

"Acolyte Jadzia. Training pit. Now."

And then..

"We continue in an hour."

I can barely hold my foils anymore. I haven't hurt so much since...Korriban. I think.
I don't know anymore.

He wakes me repeatedly during the night with those five words. Yanks me from the bunk. Drags me if I take too long.

The floor keeps swaying beneath me, keeps falling away from my feet during the fights. I can't fall. I can't fail. He said...endurance training to Ri Wohmonwsirsa. Ever since we left the estates I haven't slept. Haven't rested. I'm frightened.
There is only the mask. The five words. The pain..

The mask haunts me. I'm supposed to practice Tapas, supposed to consider the offer I was freely given... but every time I try, the mask appears. I can't tell if it's real or a nightmare anymore.

My shoulder still hurts from the deslok..disloak.. dislocation. Even trying to use the Force hurts.

Breathing was never this heavy before. I just need...sleep... My mind is...not quite mine anymore. The mask keeps looming over my shoulder in reflections.

Oh no. I can sense him approach-... wait. Did I? I can't have. It's not been an hour yet, I swear it's not been--

If you have time to write, you have time to prepare for war.
Training pit. Now.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

It's over. Ri Satwas' training is finally over.

I admit I stayed in the medbay longer than absolutely necessary, feigning sleep. I've never been so exhausted. Everything hurts. Everywhere aches.

Hopefully I can just get through the landing at Bon Sor without losing a limb or making a fool of myself.

...

The landing was bloody and bitter. One doesn't get to see the Dark Lord in full force often, especially not with powerbase troops deployed in such numbers.

War is loud chaos on an industrial scale. I'm glad Ri Wohmonwsirsa took charge of the acolytes. I don't know if I would have survived or kept up otherwise. It took a lot of force to breach the gate and there were suspiciously few twi'leks in the settlement. We found out why quickly; they had rigged several buildings to detonate. The air burned my lungs, and several Sith got hurt from the explosions, falling debris and blaster fire. I've barely seen any of the apprentices or higher-ranked Sith be seriously hurt in combat before; usually they're just beating me or other acolytes up. It's...sobering.

A reminder that even Sith are mortal in combat.

Even the Corporal was limping around with a cane the next day, but it didn't stop him from wanting to serve the Empire.

...

It's strange being on a jungle world that has sunshine.

...

I signed up to help with a scouting mission near the settlement and almost got a blaster bolt to my forehead during it. A twi'lek tried to attack me with a vibroblade - he seemed to jump out of nowhere, ready to slaughter, and I just...punched him in the throat. Instinctively.

It felt good.

I even managed to get a sample of some liquid that looked poisonous from a trap that tried to kill me. I wanted to keep it, but the more information the powerbase can get about the environment and toxins here, the better. So I handed it in. Somehow...I doubt I'll get it back.

It's fine. I still have the other poison back home. No doubt I'll wish I had smuggled it here soon enough, but I don't think I would have got it past inspection. It was dangerous enough with the needles.

I need to make my decision on that offer soon, as well. But how do I get the information I need without raising suspicion? Who can I even ask? I promised my answer before we leave Bon Sor. At least it's easier to think when I'm not being dragged to the training pit every hour.

...Damn Ri Satwas.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

Ri Tzihra Kota demanded I show them the stash Stokodi and I had gathered and hidden. Since they'd already cooked Stokodi from the inside out and she was still smoking and twitching on the ground, I obeyed.

It was only a few containers of food and some blankets. And a whole pillow. I was still told to hand it all over to the supply depot.

They asked me why I would bother with creating a stash, even as they knew it would happen again and again. I replied that capability is borne from experience and that the stash was never expected to remain undetected from the higher ups. It's just practice against our cadre.

They reminded me to think beyond the first couple of steps, and tested my answer by smacking me telekinetically against the gate. I hadn't realised it was possible to do that without even a brief gesture. Then they told me that I had better prove myself on their mission - or they would know that Ri Satwas had not done their job right.

...Hutt-licker.

I managed to endure the mission they "volunteered" me for.. we ended up capturing some kind of...oversized chicken? What kind of chicken naturally evolves fangs alongside a beak?

...

A pureblood acolyte I haven't really interacted with before turned up. The one who pretends he holds Droseth's leash. Acolyte Dras...Dras-ass something. He told me to remember his name and that I should "get in good while the going's cheap".

Tch. I suspect his "going" will always be cheap. Huge amount of arrogance with none of the ability to back it up. No wonder he didn't dare take on Stokodi by himself.

...he'd probably match well with Ri Atuzirsi Wo, though neither should try to walk through a door at the same time. The egos would get stuck.

...

I will be scouting through the tunnels tonight, under Ri Énizasi Diwayas' command. Here's hoping I don't get a limb blown off, or worse.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

The group survived the tunnels. We even managed to map more of them out, and bring in some of the aliens for interrogation and processing.

No matter where I've looked, I have not seen a hint of that poison I encountered back when we first arrived on Bon Sor. So I decided to try and find some for myself. Ri Atirai permitted a trio of scientists to go. I was actually surprised at how many people came for my outing. Ri Tzihra Kota, Ri Wini Wo, and the Corporal, as well as Zedani. If she survives to ascend, I'll apply a name to her too. Ri Tzihra Kota's Drakes came on their order, as well as a few huge walking lizards. I heard the name 'trandoshan'... they're very intimidating up close.

I admit we did not know the location well. Barely any scouting had taken place there. The group went into the tunnels, and almost immediately one of Ri Tzihra Kota's men was dragged out with a red carpet of blood following.

I've killed before. Intentionally. But...seeing a man bleed out to death in front of me when I was trying to stop the bleeding... it's different somehow. Ri Tzihra Kota was unhappy. It was not my direct fault, but it was still during my mission that the man expired. I now owe them.

...with the amount of favours and debt I owe across the board, perhaps I should seek advice from the Banking Clan. Then again, they'd just charge me interest.

...

Stokodi asked me about the endurance gauntlet I went through during the journey here. She was keen to ask Ri Satwas for such training herself, until she realised that she wouldn't actually be able to rest during it. Then she backtracked and said something about asking him after we are finished on Bon Sor.

Why wait for training when you are in need of it now? Fool.

Unfortunately for her, Ri Radona Wima overheard this and took issue with the self-acknowledgement of laziness. Just more proof in my eyes that Stokodi would not survive the training, even if she did request it.

...

Last night the powerbase set out to exact revenge for the assault we endured last week. A whole brigade of soldiers, armoured vehicles and a squad called the Silver Flame. The group I was in was sent through the tunnels that the scientists had gone to. No evidence of traps though, until right at the end.

We were almost shot to pieces when we came to the end of the tunnel. The Republic had emplacements ready and waiting for us. Ri Zirari Wo and Ri Atuzirsi Wo were yelling at the troops, sending them endlessly onward until the Republic broke. The other acolyte and I were pressed against the walls to evade the blaster fire as well as to keep out of the way of the troops.

When we finally stepped out though..

Growing up in the Empire, we are told and taught that War is glorious and a noble cause. That each must do their duty and be willing to lay down their lives for the Glory of the Empire. We are instructed to see victory as crushing those who oppose us under our feet as we walk towards a new dawn for the Empire.

What I saw there was neither noble nor glorious.

I saw men in their hundreds exploding like fireworks. Scattering themselves like confetti and raining down upon their killers.

Pieces of those which were once men strewn like litter across a cratered, wasted jungle. I heard the crunching of spare fingers under my boots as I walked. The stench of death and blood was as noxious as fumes. Even through my helmet, I could taste iron and copper on my lips. What had been jungle just an hour ago is now swamp fed with the blood of thousands. I saw Ri Atuzirsi Wo casually kick a helmet out of his way like a huttball. From the sound of it landing, it wasn't empty. It was too caked in mud for me to tell if it was originally Republic or Imperial.

I don't think it would have mattered either way.

Stories of War are glorious.

The reality is not.

War is just chaos and murder on an industrial scale. No doubt when I am more powerful and useful than a mere acolyte underfoot, I will be able to taste the glory and victory for myself. Will it be different from the taste of coppery mud?

I've tried to help out at the medical tents when I can, but there is still work to do. Streets to clear of rubble. Areas to scout. Defenses to bolster.

It never stops. And it's never enough.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

There are new acolytes now. One woman that Ri Satwas named, and one man whom I ended up showing around the settlement. She seems...average. Not incompetent, but not necessarily a spark of genius either. She's from a noble house on Serenno. Even some ties to royalty apparently, though. Likely barely had a day's horror in her life before Korriban. We'll see if she lasts, or if she has some steel in her spine.

The man is odd. Grey skin like a stone, but orange eyes despite having no corruption from the Dark Side. A near-human, I think. I'm not sure what type. He seems tougher than the other, but again; we'll see if he survives. Or returns.

...

Ri Tzihra Kota broke my ribs. I was trying to wear myself out with velocities by the wall of the settlement, and they came up to me. Questioned me as to what I was doing. They called me 'Zia'. They've never done that before. They seemed more unhinged than usual...whispered a truth to me. Then threw me into the wall.

As if I barely weighed more than a ragdoll.

I blacked out soon after. When I woke up, I was in the advanced medical tent, bacta hooked to me and being told that two of my ribs had broken and had then pierced my liver and lung. No wonder it hurt so much. I've been necking painkillers since.

What am I even doing... I can't even stop my mind whirring even when exhaustion threatens to overwhelm. What's worse is that even sleep is no longer private. My dreams are no longer safe. It's barely more than a flash, but that mask keeps lurking in the shadows. In the corners.

Seeing.

I might have thought I was going mad. Who would notice a madman around here though?

...

There was a night scouting mission that turned awful. There were conflicting reports, and I could tell that several Sith were getting aggravated by the confusion. Snapping at each other. The Republic scum trapped our group in the area and collapsed the tunnels behind us with heavy fire while a Jedi with a yellow blade entered the fray. Towards the end they sent me flying into the rock wall. I felt bones crunch. I don't remember anything after that.

This is the second time I've woken up in the advanced medical tent. In two days.

Am I made of flimsi? Or am I just a magnet for the hefty strikes? It wouldn't be so bad if I could wear armour, but these robes... they do nothing, show nothing, endure nothing. Perhaps I'm just getting more incompetent. If that's true, I'll likely be put out of my misery sooner than later.

If they were to just assign basic armour to acolytes who frequently go out in the field, they'd probably reduce the amount of medical supplies needed to be used.

...maybe if I kriff up really bad, I'll be used as a basis for alchemy. They might fuse me with dowatin DNA. At least then I could tank a hit. Or wear Ri Énizasi Diwayas's armour.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

I've started seeing Ri Satwas' mask in my dreams. It's not part of the dream. More...from the outside in. Lurking just inside peripheral vision, half in shadow. Not every night, not even every couple of nights. But knowing that they -could- be there...watching and lurking...concerns me. Why would they even bother? An acolyte can't be so interesting, surely. Maybe it's just practice of some new terrifying technique?


...oh no. Oh no. I can't control my dreams! What if they see something risqué or worse!? Oh kriffing, karking $%^%^*&..


...


I had an idea. I ended up telling Ri Tzihra Kota about it. They did not dismiss it out of hand, though were understandably suspicious.

I thought that Ri Satwas might be able to use their illusions to effect. That we could map a false-safe trail through the tunnels or caves that the aliens frequent and use fear against them. The fear of flooding in the tunnels to force them to flee and be herded to a point of our choosing - for capture or killing as we deem fit. Blasters are useless against surging water; we even have the waterfall nearby which adds credence to the fear of being washed away.

Occasional buckets of water sloshed at key junctions to encourage panic away from potential evacuation points. Our men stationed to silence any that try to evade through known locations.

The main unknown for me is the potency and reach of what Ri Satwas can achieve. Plus what Ri Tzihra Kota mentioned about the idea being both too broad and too shallow.

Needs must. I must ask Ri Satwas myself.

... They said they would investigate.
I was not smacked out of line. It must be a somewhat interesting or feasible plan.
...They were quick to reply. It is not possible.

[several words are written then blanked out; WingDings follows for a few sentences...]

...stupid karking datapad! I miss my book.

Seems to have fixed itself now..


...


Ri Tzihra Kota suggested something I thought almost blasphemous. They suggested an "ancient Jedi technique" to help counter sorcerous interference with sleep...which turned out to be simply "be faster and cut their head off before they're done with the spell."

I swear they're steadily sending their braincells to the same place Stokodi's naturally reside.

They confirmed that there's no defence available to me at my level. So I must simply endure and learn from it. Then they told me my best bet would be to confront Ri Satwas before the dream world begins to affect the waking one, because then it will be too late.

Confront Ri Satwas!? It's certainly one way to end my life quickly and excruciatingly painfully.

The mask only appears very occasionally. I can endure it at this frequency. If it becomes -every- dream, that's when I'll confront them.

Probably.

...maybe.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

The Corporal got promoted to Sergeant. Not before time, but thoroughly earned. I ended up teaching him the basics of how to use a Thought Shield a few days afterwards. He seemed to get the knack of the idea quite fast, though as with everything it will take time to master.

...

Two surprises in quick succession!

Ri Cûccusuti summoned me to the riverside and handed me a lightsaber to demonstrate my improvements in Niman. Actually being able to hold a lightsaber; to wield it. Utterly exhilarating. I understand more, now, why the velocities and drills with the foils are so demanding and precise. The balance is subtly different. The handling more nuanced.

I'd like to think I did well enough.

Ri Cûccusuti seemed to agree, declaring that I was proficient in Niman despite the mistakes - I was showing that I was learning and adapting throughout.

I'm now allowed to pursue my third form, if I wish. I requested permission to learn Shien - not least because of the obvious battlefield applications. They wanted to know my reasoning beyond that...so I told them. It's one half of a form, and since I know I'll never be able to wield Djem So effectively, I can at least understand its theory and weaknesses through Shien - plus it will help focus my attention on the minutae of angles that decide between death, survival and limb loss.

They then commented about how such would help me defeat their apprentice.

As if basic Shien knowledge would provide such opportunity... I doubt I will ever be able to beat their apprentices. Still, they granted permission for me to learn Shien. I suspect it's a far more common form than Niman. Teachers shouldn't be too hard to track down.

But then the second surprise. They stated outright that they were thinking of claiming me as their apprentice when I complete the Trials. The main path to sorcery, potentially within my grasp...

Is War the right fit for me though? I think... I think that Ri Tutai hinted they were considering taking on an apprentice when last we spoke. They said that Ri Cûccusuti was 'a' path to sorcery but not the only path. It would be easier to learn sorcery from the main source, but the better Sith does not seek the easy path.

Perhaps I can coax other adoption intentions from Sith and Lords? From what Ri Tzihra Kota mentioned, I doubt they intend to claim me. I think I would outright refuse Ri Atuzirsi Wo if they decided to claim me. What happens if there is a contest over me? Would I choose my own master, or would it be the strongest who seizes the opportunity?

...

There was an ambush on the Republic's forces as they moved to attack us. Ri Cirih Iutuin had me running everywhere with messages during the setup. They did at least sign off on me wearing armour - and using a proper vibroblade! I only used it briefly, but it was so satisfying..

But then. This voice in my head. I had never heard it before, but...it was terrifying. It evaporated my defences like lava to ice. There was no way to slow or stop it. Wrath incarnate, terrifying purpose, cold intention. The command to know my own potential. The encouragement to break free from the chains of my institution. All this within the roaring tsunami of pain and foreboding. I heard whispers of the name of the one who bellowed through the Force.

Malgus.

The projection churned the well of power within me, enhancing my abilities for a moment. I could almost feel my eyes burning when I wielded the Force afterwards. I was so furious. To be infected from across hyperspace by the emotions of another? My hand is still trembling as I type this.

I am but an insect to one with such power... what would he care for me? My own journey is just beginning. I know my loyalties. They remain absolute, no matter the intention of one whom betrayed his own kind and faction.

...

Ri Cirih Iutuin stated I was 'adequate' afterwards. Then ordered me to return the contraband.

Damnit.

Maybe next time.

...

Ri Satwas stated they intended to perform a ritual tomorrow, to glean information and secrets from a dead jedi. They need another as an energy battery and told me I would assist them.

A chance to see another facet of sorcery? Of course I agreed. It's definitely the only reason. I can only hope that I do not disappoint.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

The ritual was intense. Ri Satwas had me push a hovertrolley with the corpse of half a Jedi on it out into the jungle. It stank something awful.


There was a large circle scorched into the earth, with three different sets of writing in and around it. I recognised the Sith and the High Sith, but not the third.

I was told I would be a battery of sorts while they dragged answers and information from the corpse. If I stopped channeling, I would likely die.

The first time I've used Ansi Niti properly since the passing of the former Darth Horuset.

Strange tendrils of miasma  (I'm not sure how else to describe it) started to come from the ground and snake towards Ri Satwas as they sank into meditation. I felt a connection in my chest; a strange inexorable tug that began to siphon my energy away from me. The tendrils passed through me on occasion. A chill touch.. and then the corpse began to twitch.

So did Ri Satwas.

I kept Ansi Niti going for as long as I could. The surroundings turned silent. Like I had passed into a place devoid of sight and sound. It felt like 4...maybe 5 hours. Of endless channeling.
I felt drained to the very limit.. Everything sucked from me until I was practically a husk.. but damnit I kept channeling.

I think I collapsed.

When I woke, Ri Satwas was standing over me. Watching me. It had only been fifteen minutes. They had gotten the information they wanted, and said I was 'adequate'. They gave me permission to ask them sorcery questions.
...and I think I pushed too far when I asked about the third written language. They said it was a 'smart choice' to not ask further.

I want to see more sorcery - though ideally not with me as the victim. Beggars cannot be choosers though.

Immediately I then had to take the corpse back to the settlement and then escort a shield generator to 1E.

With what energy!? But Ri Satwas is not one to be denied, so I went. Aster came alongside, and in the tunnel some lizards thought we'd make a tasty snack. They learned.
It seems like the training on the harrower was one of the best things I could have endured. Even with no real energy left, I was still able to fight and kill - despite getting bitten in the thigh. I don't remember much beyond the fact that Aster complained all the way as she dragged me back to the settlement.

...

Ri Tzihra Kota gave me a strange task: to deal with something in foil wrapping and dispose of the evidence. Entirely secretly.

It was cooked meat. Maybe some kind of reptile? It was delicious. I couldn't stop eating... the ration cubes and occasional pilfered fruit from the stash isn't really enough.

And this was real meat.

I don't think I could have shared it even if someone else had been there with me.

I managed to dispose of the evidence in the messhall. Slaves dealt with it, no one the wiser.

Maybe I've earned a lesson? I should request Shien, but... they are able to see through walls and rock with the Force. That is highly useful. Perhaps I should ask for the basics of that technique instead.

Several others know Shien. I've seen them use it.

I think Ri Nunchi Winwi offered to teach me something of it when I was recovering in the med tent.

...

Ri Énizasi Diwayas has been explaining a tiny part of the basis of alchemy, particularly the philosophies behind it. I wonder why? Trying to encourage curiosity no doubt, but for what purpose? What are they after?

...

The mission to take 1G was intense but successful. We were given grappling hooks. Thankfully I didn't need to use mine.

I *need* to deal with this fear. What if I'm paralysed by it during a life or death situation on Bon Sor?

What if it strikes during my Trials?

How can I deal with it aside from climbing up a mountain and trying to jump down? A stupid idea at present, when the Republic are still striking with uncanny accuracy.

What can I do? Who can I ask?

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

Ri Doti Wo has returned. I hope. They bade me update them with what has occurred since we arrived on Bon Sor. Then they implied I was fat. Clearly they've lost their touch with needling the acolytes under their charge. If they want to probe at insecurities about looks, they would have an easier time with Aster.

...

Ri Tzihra Kota is MIA. Presumed dead. Both Ri Cirih Iutuin and Ri Atirai were sent to the medbay for full bacta submersion. I heard whispers of a trap, cave explosions. The Republic seem to have ramped up their retaliations.

...

We advanced on 1H. Permitted armour and a vibroblade once again. A blade feels so much better to wield...though a lightsaber is again different. I need to challenge Aster again soon. Why has no one else bothered? No doubt if I manage to win the blade from her, they'll come out of the woodwork and gank me within days.

I managed to avoid injury for once. If I was more arrogant, I'd believe it was entirely due to my skill. I know better than that. I've improved, but I'm not immune. The memories of various broken bones and bruises are far too recent to assume otherwise.

...

Ri Énizasi Diwayas has given me a task. I am to capture five Republic soldiers alive. I think I will speak with the Sergeant, with what idea I could come up with. Hopefully he'll be willing to help.

The Sergeant was willing. Thankfully. We have come up with a plan. I just hope that we won't lose any more Imperial soldiers in the attempt. He seemed...nervous. About heading out from the settlement. Perhaps its to be expected; our main shield generator was attacked and broken, proving that the Republic believes it can strike anywhere. Collective fear does much for group psyche.

...

I dared send another sorcerous question to Ri Satwas. I got an unhelpful answer that lacked the detail I wanted while technically being factual. I should've expected the patronising tone when I remembered the ability name correctly.

"Aren't I a smart gizka.". Ugh.

I almost prefer 'little hurricane'.