"Tave iyutrekyr iv Zia"

[Caffeline]

An old-style flimsi book wrapped in leather and secured with an old but serviceable genetic lock. Kaasian make, but the writing inside seems nonsensical; at least until a key is discovered on the inside cover.

Rhûine summoned me to the estate a few days ago. Unfortunately shuttles to Korriban and Kaas do not need permission to take, so I felt obliged to obey. I couldn't think of a reason to refuse again; not without having to ask advice from an Overseer. An easy way to invite ridicule and investigation. I want to put that life as far behind me as possible but it still snares at my ankles to pull me back.

To think that I once hoped to serve that family in the same vein as my parents... My skin crawls in disgust at that thought now.

The patriarch saw fit to remind me that I owe everything I am as a potential Sith to him, because it was 'his' decision to release me to Korriban, thereby making all my success thereafter his rightful due.

As if I didn't know it is Imperial Law that forced his hand.

The insufferable hutt-swill.

He actually expects me to continue to serve him as his family's personal Sith. He intends the Rhûine Family to claw back notice in Kaas political circles by having me serve their interests. I laughed until I realised he was serious. It did not take much for him to hold my parents' service and lives hostage until I lied my agreement. His arrogance rivals that of a fully fledged Sith, yet has less foundation than a daydream.

I will not. I will break from the future Rhûine sees for me. They released me to Korriban on the assumption that I would continue to be an asset to their plans. I will break the teeth in their smug smiles. I will forge my own name and walk my own path, rather than be shackled to their nauseating bluster any longer.

Poor fool assumes he cannot be lied to by his servants. If one can lie for you, they can lie to you. He forgets this. He would not survive a week on Korriban himself.

However... it did drive home a point I have been avoiding. Trying to use my parents as leverage means he thinks he has perceived a weakness. If it happens once, it will happen again. Leverage is not a weakness I can afford. If he can use them, so will others, in time.

A weakness such as this cannot continue.

I met with them before I left. They did not know me. I have evolved into something they do not recognise. Their daughter's veneer is simply a chrysalis for something beyond their comprehension. They refuse to leave Rhûine's service despite my efforts: proud and content with their meagre lives serving a withered House. Seeing them again... I am disgusted by how Rhûine thinks I am so easily handled through their welfare.

Can I do it? Can I extinguish their lives to set my own free? 

I do not have the power yet. 

But I will.

[Caffeline]

An old-style flimsi book wrapped in leather and secured with an old but serviceable genetic lock. Kaasian make, but the writing inside seems nonsensical; at least until a key is discovered on the inside cover.

So much has happened...

Ri Doti Wo seemed satisfied with my performance in the R&D arena, but then deeply disappointed with the results of the acolyte tournament. They and Ri Satwas are dissatisfied with that outcome...and they are not alone. I think Ri Atuzirsi Wo displayed their blindness in their choice to a crowd. I wonder how long it will be before their position is challenged by those whom perhaps see more clearly?

Ri Tutai has hinted that I might earn the opportunity to engage in a project of theirs. I encountered their subjects for the first time... they are incredible. Potent, terrifying and still juveniles... I must remember to avoid looking at their eyes though. They remain dangerous.

I took the lead on the mission to deal with a rabid creature which was attacking a mining camp on Axxila. It...was not entirely successful. I made an error in judgement. I panicked and acted too soon. My actions killed the creature we were tasked to capture. I accept my mistake...and I admitted it in the report. I don't know if Ri Satwas will decide to punish me for that or not, since the others were able to bring in the second creature. I was so annoyed with myself and it that I severed the stinger from the corpse. I realised belatedly that it might be mildly interesting or useful to Ru Tutai. I can but ask and offer...and maybe it can count towards earning a place in that project.

Ri Doti Wo brought me back to Korriban. We ended up speaking about my possible ascension and the choices of who my master might be. I don't know who I would want...but I at least know who I don't want. Ri Atuzirsi Wo can take three apprentices...and I was warned one might be me. Why would I want a Sith for a master who clearly favours weaker, more pathetic acolytes?! But...the harder path makes a stronger Sith. I will adapt and overcome, if necessary.

I have finally managed to pass the test to start learning a new saber form! Unfortunately...only the Blademaster knows it well enough to teach it. The gaps in available knowledge here slowly become more and more apparent.

It's crazy, but I put forward a proposal to try and help with the war effort...and it was partially accepted! I'm allowed to learn how to use a medkit for use out on missions! Only acolytes who have earned their name will be permitted for this, but still! Ri Doti Wo seemed pleased at this. Even congratulated me.

I must not let this go to my head; everything is a test, and one wrong move can get me killed.

[Caffeline]

An old-style flimsi book wrapped in leather and secured with an old but serviceable genetic lock. Kaasian make, but the writing inside seems nonsensical; at least until a key is discovered on the inside cover.

I brought the stinger to Ri Tutai. They seemed mildly intrigued, even pleased at the fact I had brought it. I continue to have their attention. They agreed that the stinger counted towards my earning a place in their project. I wish I could stop blushing though. It's distracting for us both, and demeaning for me. I'm losing control of myself and it's ridiculous. They're probably either laughing at me inside, or feeling disgusted at this reaction.

As if I could gain anyone's attention as I am...middling at best. Stukali is definitely the prettiest acolyte of the cadre... and Vmoase certainly has a more generous figure. I'm not bad, per se... but I'm not exactly winning any contests.

Enough of this. Focus, Zia. Getting my head turned is just another way it can be removed from my shoulders.

There was a mission to Akaria that I attended. I learned two things:
1) that I need to learn Tapas, and I invited ridicule from Ri Doti Wo for not knowing it and therefore almost losing my fingers to frostbite.
2) that speeder piloting is kriffing awesome! I still grin when I remember that ride. I think my hair froze away from my face because of the cold, and I lost my hair tie to the snows, but it was such a thrill! No wonder people in the Kaas cantinas bet on the racing.. it's actually exciting when you're the one piloting the machines!

I answered a challenge from a new acolyte. He thought to assume dominance simply by demanding from the most challenging of the cadre. I beat him and disarmed him, taking his foil as a prize. Ri Satwas advised me, quietly, that a second blade is a liability and a target if I do not know how to use it. They hinted that I had earned a lesson on that technique...so I took them up on it.

The lesson was brutal, but so, so good. I comprehended their instructions, understood their meaning. I even managed to land two hits on them. Granted they overwhelmed and choked me till I almost lost consciousness, but that's almost to be expected. I admit it's almost better when choking is physical. It's an awful sensation, but at least with a physical choke there's something 'there' to struggle against, rather than the sensation of your windpipe closing outside of your own control.

They left me with a horrible awareness, as recompense for my mistake on their mission. I accept that... [the pen shifts as if the writer flinches] ...but the sensation of being impaled with a sword is something I hope I never have to feel again.. The bruises around my neck are growing bigger. Ri Doti Wo noticed them immediately when I encountered them. They asked what I had done to offend... and I chose not to tell them the nature of the lesson. Only that we had been sparring. I'm learning so much from other people in the powerbase... I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise when I display my competency at a later point. 

Stukali challenged the Enzurmerse. I bided too much. I've already been called out on it. This contest over the kriffing blade and title just highlight my flaws over and over... do I even want it at this point? To invite an even larger target on my back?

At least the poison remains my secret.