"Tave iyutrekyr iv Zia"

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

That was something I did not expect. And I cannot approach anyone to ask for advice.

I barely understand why I was offered this choice.

I haven't yet decided. I requested time to consider.

...

The boarding of the Th'Asidra occurred. I knew it was wise to leave my diary hidden in the camp. It is safe and secure against the elements. So...I will have to type here. I can't even use my code. I should try to learn how to create one, but...I just won't have time.

Ri Satwas did not mention the needles. They handed them back to me without a word. But then they interrogated me about what I intend to do with them...and took offense to my answer. Now I am to attend to them during the oncoming days, where I will be tested to see how much I'm able to withstand...

So why did they let the needles through in the first place?

...


Fight.

Try to breathe.

Fight.

Try to eat.

Fight.

Try to close my eyes..

Fight.

Try to breathe.

Fight.

...it won't stop. I can't concentrate. I can hardly think.

He only says five words.

"Acolyte Jadzia. Training pit. Now."

And then..

"We continue in an hour."

I can barely hold my foils anymore. I haven't hurt so much since...Korriban. I think.
I don't know anymore.

He wakes me repeatedly during the night with those five words. Yanks me from the bunk. Drags me if I take too long.

The floor keeps swaying beneath me, keeps falling away from my feet during the fights. I can't fall. I can't fail. He said...endurance training to Ri Wohmonwsirsa. Ever since we left the estates I haven't slept. Haven't rested. I'm frightened.
There is only the mask. The five words. The pain..

The mask haunts me. I'm supposed to practice Tapas, supposed to consider the offer I was freely given... but every time I try, the mask appears. I can't tell if it's real or a nightmare anymore.

My shoulder still hurts from the deslok..disloak.. dislocation. Even trying to use the Force hurts.

Breathing was never this heavy before. I just need...sleep... My mind is...not quite mine anymore. The mask keeps looming over my shoulder in reflections.

Oh no. I can sense him approach-... wait. Did I? I can't have. It's not been an hour yet, I swear it's not been--

If you have time to write, you have time to prepare for war.
Training pit. Now.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

It's over. Ri Satwas' training is finally over.

I admit I stayed in the medbay longer than absolutely necessary, feigning sleep. I've never been so exhausted. Everything hurts. Everywhere aches.

Hopefully I can just get through the landing at Bon Sor without losing a limb or making a fool of myself.

...

The landing was bloody and bitter. One doesn't get to see the Dark Lord in full force often, especially not with powerbase troops deployed in such numbers.

War is loud chaos on an industrial scale. I'm glad Ri Wohmonwsirsa took charge of the acolytes. I don't know if I would have survived or kept up otherwise. It took a lot of force to breach the gate and there were suspiciously few twi'leks in the settlement. We found out why quickly; they had rigged several buildings to detonate. The air burned my lungs, and several Sith got hurt from the explosions, falling debris and blaster fire. I've barely seen any of the apprentices or higher-ranked Sith be seriously hurt in combat before; usually they're just beating me or other acolytes up. It's...sobering.

A reminder that even Sith are mortal in combat.

Even the Corporal was limping around with a cane the next day, but it didn't stop him from wanting to serve the Empire.

...

It's strange being on a jungle world that has sunshine.

...

I signed up to help with a scouting mission near the settlement and almost got a blaster bolt to my forehead during it. A twi'lek tried to attack me with a vibroblade - he seemed to jump out of nowhere, ready to slaughter, and I just...punched him in the throat. Instinctively.

It felt good.

I even managed to get a sample of some liquid that looked poisonous from a trap that tried to kill me. I wanted to keep it, but the more information the powerbase can get about the environment and toxins here, the better. So I handed it in. Somehow...I doubt I'll get it back.

It's fine. I still have the other poison back home. No doubt I'll wish I had smuggled it here soon enough, but I don't think I would have got it past inspection. It was dangerous enough with the needles.

I need to make my decision on that offer soon, as well. But how do I get the information I need without raising suspicion? Who can I even ask? I promised my answer before we leave Bon Sor. At least it's easier to think when I'm not being dragged to the training pit every hour.

...Damn Ri Satwas.

[Caffeline]

[The following entries are typed on a datapad with a standard encryption lock. Far more accessible if someone were to steal or look through, though the entries themselves are passcode-protected]

Ri Tzihra Kota demanded I show them the stash Stokodi and I had gathered and hidden. Since they'd already cooked Stokodi from the inside out and she was still smoking and twitching on the ground, I obeyed.

It was only a few containers of food and some blankets. And a whole pillow. I was still told to hand it all over to the supply depot.

They asked me why I would bother with creating a stash, even as they knew it would happen again and again. I replied that capability is borne from experience and that the stash was never expected to remain undetected from the higher ups. It's just practice against our cadre.

They reminded me to think beyond the first couple of steps, and tested my answer by smacking me telekinetically against the gate. I hadn't realised it was possible to do that without even a brief gesture. Then they told me that I had better prove myself on their mission - or they would know that Ri Satwas had not done their job right.

...Hutt-licker.

I managed to endure the mission they "volunteered" me for.. we ended up capturing some kind of...oversized chicken? What kind of chicken naturally evolves fangs alongside a beak?

...

A pureblood acolyte I haven't really interacted with before turned up. The one who pretends he holds Droseth's leash. Acolyte Dras...Dras-ass something. He told me to remember his name and that I should "get in good while the going's cheap".

Tch. I suspect his "going" will always be cheap. Huge amount of arrogance with none of the ability to back it up. No wonder he didn't dare take on Stokodi by himself.

...he'd probably match well with Ri Atuzirsi Wo, though neither should try to walk through a door at the same time. The egos would get stuck.

...

I will be scouting through the tunnels tonight, under Ri Énizasi Diwayas' command. Here's hoping I don't get a limb blown off, or worse.