[IC] Elena's Holodiary

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 1

A female voice begins to speak as soon as the recording is played, as if unaware that there is a gap in starting. She sounds nervous, slightly, but her enunciation and words are proper, and her voice has a sonorous quality.

"-rst time using this, so I just hope it works." A shuffling of robes, as if sitting back. "I had my first real experiences with House Horuset today. I was led around by an Apprentice, whom instructed me on ettiquite. Bow to everyone above you, and say, 'my lord'. At least... that's the basics. If they're an actual Lord, or a Darth..." Her voice gets jittery, before she continues. "... you bow, and hope they are not angry."

"There were many Apprentices, and a few Acolytes as I. There seems to be power struggles for the former, even going so far as to spread rumors as power plays, or eavesdr-" Stop. She continues. "There was also a woman that stripped to show tattoos? The situation was awkward all around, I heard more embarrassment than anger. Apparently, even Sith can be astonished."

"Speaking of Sith, they far outnumber everything else combined. And with the heirarchy, I'm... much less than them, regardless of whether I have any blood or not. An Apprentice was fascinated by me, and others seemed to take it in stride. My... fellow Acolytes, mostly. Who were actually very helpful in teaching me and helping me get through the day. I can..."

Yet another pause, as her voice cracks. "... I can Seethe. Drawing on my fears, working with my core, near my stomach, and letting the Dark Side flow throughout my body. The pain is excruciating, but the power is... tremendous. It's like a release of emotions, getting everything that's bottled up out of me. I feel sick still, my fingers tingle... I have to keep doing it to live." A choked sound. "Dammit, why do I need this life? I wasn't happy as a dancer, but it was better than the torture, the fear, th-"

The recording cuts off, and then back again. "-o compose myself, I... am fine now. In any case, I find Dromund Kaas to be peaceful compared to Korriban. It teems with the Dark Side, but the life is much more lush, much more around despite it. Mother was wrong, there is a co-existence, albeit much more savage under the Dark rather than the Light. The rain, especially, is soothing, calming."

"Perhaps the last thing I need is calm, though. Peace is a lie, after all. I haven't had attempts on my life yet, but I worry. I walked the whole rail of the balcony, hoping just to fall in the back of my mind. I prayed to be struck by lightning. But this life continues, and... whatever it is, it could be good."

A long pause, before she starts once more. "I hope to learn more soon. Train my Sight, train myself on the Dark Side. I believe it was... it was Darth Horuset herself. Being near her was like being on fire, burning, choking, and it was all I could do to respond to her. But she told me that a Gemstone, if polished, could become a Jewel. A Rock, if polished, would always be nothing more than a Polished Rock. I suppose that is what I am, in Horuset... a rock."

Her voice trembles, but it is, for the first time, angry. "A rock can hide glorious treasures inside, but first, it must break. I feel I will never reach my full potential until I go past my limits, become one with the Dark Side, let it do as it will. The pain will be constant if I do this. There is no going back from that from me. This is a one-way street. Death... would be too easy."

The recording is silent for over a minute, before a singing starts. The sound is exotic, uplifting... words blending with melody, several minutes of up and down across six verses. It seems to become sad in the last bits, for the ending wavers, and the recording ends after several seconds.