[IC] Elena's Holodiary

[Theprettiestorc]

Log 5

Weary. The voice is tired today, seemingly with everything. "... I had everything attacked today. What I believe, what I'm striving for. It was... a day. Probably the first of many, and will only likely get worse. I'm not sure whether that, or the reality I know, is worse."

"Our Dark Lord, Darth Horuset, entered the hall as I was taking a moment to sit down before going to the Archives, and chatting with Apprentice Leivé. More and more people entered the hall, and everyone kneeled, as She made it clear that I would be dead from my madness before I would ever become a Lord. I can only assume She just knows, that things make it to her. Part of me wonders if that is a challenge from her, in her own way, to cull the weak before they try. In reality, in her own words, all she expects me to do is die."

"... reality is, I will. I was reminded of how easy it would be for a Lord to just wish me out of their sight forever, and erase me. Sam mouthed off to Lord Kalkoran, which will not happen a second time. His Apprentice was told we could be made an example of, but she, too, ignores me. That in itself fuels me, hurts me, hastens the pain as the Dark Side I channel more and more each day begins to get more potent, refined. I am not as unprepared against it, or any presences." A deep sigh. "... I won't have to worry about it forever."

"Spotted a couple of new faces. Interacted with Apprentice Vyrinne, a Pureblood, who surprisingly just told me to keep on with what I'm doing. Research, training, any lesson I can catch tidbits of, to snatch up. Despite everything against me, I wish to try. If this is the only choice I have, the only real choice, I will not just abandon it. Dalliances must become the lowest priority. I must ally, learn from peers, know the House intimately, to survive. Though I will fail, I will stave it off as long as I can."

"Though it is against the point, I must continue normal meditation to equalize. I must control the Dark Side, not become its puppet, if I am to retain any agency when I snap. I'm researching into every mental technique, ways to compartmentalize emotions, just as I have seen in Sith Soti. Though she considers me a worm, she is exactly what I need to be. The Eye of a Storm, the calm around which power flows."

The sound of a light clicking off precedes a period of quiet. Then a low humming, accompanied by a thumping sound, a clothed hand on metal for percussion. A rising wordless song, the beats of war... a soldier, marching on.