"Tave iyutrekyr iv Zia"

[Caffeline]

An old-style flimsi book wrapped in leather and secured with an old but serviceable genetic lock. Kaasian make, but the writing inside seems nonsensical; at least until a key is discovered on the inside cover.

I brought the stinger to Ri Tutai. They seemed mildly intrigued, even pleased at the fact I had brought it. I continue to have their attention. They agreed that the stinger counted towards my earning a place in their project. I wish I could stop blushing though. It's distracting for us both, and demeaning for me. I'm losing control of myself and it's ridiculous. They're probably either laughing at me inside, or feeling disgusted at this reaction.

As if I could gain anyone's attention as I am...middling at best. Stukali is definitely the prettiest acolyte of the cadre... and Vmoase certainly has a more generous figure. I'm not bad, per se... but I'm not exactly winning any contests.

Enough of this. Focus, Zia. Getting my head turned is just another way it can be removed from my shoulders.

There was a mission to Akaria that I attended. I learned two things:
1) that I need to learn Tapas, and I invited ridicule from Ri Doti Wo for not knowing it and therefore almost losing my fingers to frostbite.
2) that speeder piloting is kriffing awesome! I still grin when I remember that ride. I think my hair froze away from my face because of the cold, and I lost my hair tie to the snows, but it was such a thrill! No wonder people in the Kaas cantinas bet on the racing.. it's actually exciting when you're the one piloting the machines!

I answered a challenge from a new acolyte. He thought to assume dominance simply by demanding from the most challenging of the cadre. I beat him and disarmed him, taking his foil as a prize. Ri Satwas advised me, quietly, that a second blade is a liability and a target if I do not know how to use it. They hinted that I had earned a lesson on that technique...so I took them up on it.

The lesson was brutal, but so, so good. I comprehended their instructions, understood their meaning. I even managed to land two hits on them. Granted they overwhelmed and choked me till I almost lost consciousness, but that's almost to be expected. I admit it's almost better when choking is physical. It's an awful sensation, but at least with a physical choke there's something 'there' to struggle against, rather than the sensation of your windpipe closing outside of your own control.

They left me with a horrible awareness, as recompense for my mistake on their mission. I accept that... [the pen shifts as if the writer flinches] ...but the sensation of being impaled with a sword is something I hope I never have to feel again.. The bruises around my neck are growing bigger. Ri Doti Wo noticed them immediately when I encountered them. They asked what I had done to offend... and I chose not to tell them the nature of the lesson. Only that we had been sparring. I'm learning so much from other people in the powerbase... I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise when I display my competency at a later point. 

Stukali challenged the Enzurmerse. I bided too much. I've already been called out on it. This contest over the kriffing blade and title just highlight my flaws over and over... do I even want it at this point? To invite an even larger target on my back?

At least the poison remains my secret.